Opening this post by telling you that week two’s reading contains one of my favorite passages in all of Infinite Jest seems ill-advised and like I’m jumping the superlative gun. It seems pretty likely I’ll repeat this statement anywhere between one and, oh, 11 more times, it being so early in the game, but I can’t resist.
1640h.: the Comm.-Ad. Bldg.’s males’ locker room is full of clean upperclassmen in towels after P.M. matches…
At this point, we’ve already seen a bit of Hal, but this post-match banter fest in the locker room is our first real view into the kaleidoscopic range of personalities that are the ETA upperclassmen – at least the ones we’re currently concerned with. Here are Troelsch, Pemulis, Wayne, Stice, Struck, Freer and Hal (with “distant ghastly sounds from T. Schacht over in one of the stalls off the showers”) sprawled out in white towels (Stice in black) just shootin’ the tennis and high-level esoteric optics breeze.
We learn a few things here. Not the least of which is that Canadians, generally speaking, lift one leg slightly when farting. Which fact, as an American, I was wholly ignorant of.
We also learn a bit about these ETA boys. To continue a metaphor introduced by my Canadian friend Dave, we begin to fit together the puzzle pieces of their characters and the (frequently hilarious) interplay between them.
Not everything here is what you’d call a defining characteristic – some of it is downright minutia – small like the size of the boil on the inside of Schacht’s thigh. Just the right size for a pop quiz.
TUESDAY, 3 NOVEMBER YDAU LOCKER ROOM POST-MATCH POP QUIZ
You are cordially invited to answer any questions you wish in the comments below (no peeking).
- Who loves to sing around tile?
- Who suffers from arthritic gout in his right knee?
- Who always buttons his shirt right up to the top button?
- Whose nickname is The Darkness?
- Who can stand only about ten seconds of communal silence?
- Whose locker is neat and organized?
- What exactly does “slip on the old environmental unit” mean? Seriously, can somebody please tell me? Because I’ve got some atonal jazz cued up right here.
- Name one Lemon Pledge devotee.
- Who looks like he’s always getting shocked or throttled?
- Define acutance. Anybody?
Bonus questions from big buddy sessions:
- Which little buddy has a faint hot doggish smell about him?
- Name one player who can sleep with his eyes open.
- Who speaks for Wayne about tennis mastery plateaux?
- Who wears Mr. Bouncety-Bounce shoelaces?
- Name the three types of players who don’t “hang in there and slog on the patient road to mastery.” Or name one.
- Who worries about having to fart on court?
- Name two players who fantasize about hurting Evan Ingersoll.
- Who demonstrates proper oral hygiene for his ephebes?
- Who says “E Unibus Pluram” and what is it in reference to?
- Who tells Kent Blott to purchase a clue?